Think back to March, were you single?
At first glance it would seem that I wasnt,but awful reality was about to rear it's ugly head in the following months.
What are you listening to?
Gerry Rafferty-Baker Street.Boy,could he use some gruff,Cookie Monster-esque vocals.
Who are your last five texts from?
Girls.Fret not,chums,I'm not going funny on you.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J?
I've had more J's on my lips than Paul MacCartney tries to sneak past customs in his baggage in any given year.
Do you trust all your friends?
As long as I keep it simple,leaving out blood pacts,oaths of brotherhood,etc.,I make out alright.Sometimes even pleasantly surprised,at that.
Who's hoodie did you wear last that wasnt yours?
I borrowed the executioner's.
Do you know anyone who drinks a lot?
Not anymore.The circle I was in drank ALL the alcohol,and now there's nothing left for anybody else.
Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?
Course not.And don't burden me with your secrets either,I'm bogged down with enough of my own.
Did you like anyone last summer?
That I did.Unfortunately they didn't like me very much.Sic vita est.
When was the last time you went camping?
A righteous kegger in the state woods several years back,where I went down in drinking history by pulling off a 2 minute and 26 second kegstand.That's no typo.
Favorite flavor of Vitamin Water?
If by "vitamin water" you really mean Mountain Dew,then I'd put the traditional flavour in the top spot,followed closely by the new style "Voltage" in second.
What are you doing tonight?
Some movie reviews for my website hopefully.Anything more than that would be totally unexpected thrills of the highest calibre.Sad,really...
How is your life lately?
A lot more quiet than usual.Not complaining or anything,it gives me the time to sit down and pull it all on paper.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
The enigmatic Robert Phibes.If only you unsuspecting folks out there knew what we have in store for you...
Last person to comment you?
Guppy.Don't let her dork goggles fool you,she's out of her tree.
Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
I do it every day of my life.The question is...could YOU do it?
What color are your eyes?
Asspie brown.Eh,whattayagondo?
Who's thinking about you right now?
A healthy blend of members of my "disturbing internet fan base" and various "net-whores",no doubt.Throw in the local constabulary,a handful of flaccid enemies,and your mother,and we've come that much closer to the truth.
When will your next kiss take place?
Hopefully soon.I kiss girls....pass it on.
Do you sleep with your door open or closed?
Sleep??Who's got time for that.The door's open,come right on in...unless I've locked it and perched myself precariously behind it,just to hear you knock until your knuckles pop.I'll do that,you know.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
So far?I smoked some cigarettes and received vitamins,gummi bears,some astrological charts,and a million dollar bill in the mail.Pretty good start.
Honestly, do you like anybody?
I like everybody,come on.I'm easy like a Sunday morning.
What do you want for your next birthday?
Yes.
Do you get along with your best friends boyfriend/girlfriend?
I'm not smacking her ass like a conga drum or anything,but we watch Galactica together.
Who makes you happiest?
You all do.Group hug,let's go.
Whens your birthday?
Historically,the day of Mundus Patet,a Roman harvest feast involving the dead,and more specifically,the day the very first episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus was broadcast on BBC.
When is the last time you saw number 2 on your top friends?
I haven't sorted a top ten yet,so remember I'm watching you.
Would you rather your partner have gorgeous eyes or a gorgeous smile?
I'd sacrifice either or both of these traits for a girl who ACTUALLY understands the meaning of the words commitment and loyalty
Something you're looking forward to in the next month?
That'd be telling,wouldn't it.
How often do you hold back what you want to say?
Never.Unless my lawyer advises against it.
Is it possible that you could be pregnant right now?
Impossible, that's what she said! You just can't trust women, can you?
Is it cute when boys/girls kiss on the forehead?
As long as Pete Townsend isn't there with a camcorder.Wow,I can't believe I went there.
Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
I've let ONE girl in on it.I'm pretty sure she fully comprehends the scope of my all-engrossing love and devotion to that certain someone.Something?I've said too much already...
Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
The night Silvio Berlusconi hands the prime ministership of Italy over to me,as my best selling memoirs pass the ten million copies sold mark,and I'm voted Time's man of the decade as I sign a contract to direct and star in the latest horror classic,so I retire to the discotheque on the deck of my yacht with forty or fifty of my closest friends and a handful of lascivious concubines to boogie until the sun rises.Then we're off to Matool to rescue Dr. Maynard...
What kind of mood are you in?
I see you there with your cheshire grin,I got my eye on you
shake your tailfeathers in my face,there's no telling what I'll do
well looky here you sweet young thing,the magic's in my hands
when in doubt,I whip it out,I got me a rock n' roll band...itsafreeforall!
What do you want right now?
Dom Perignon and a spoon up my nose.A billfold fulla spondulicks would be choice too.
What are you doing tomorrow?
A lot more than I did today,hopefully.
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
I've got plenty of those,if by talking you mean growling obscenities in my direction as I pull their hair and the ropes tighter.I'm a real conversationalist,after all.
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
I'm gonna invoke Jim Kelly's soulfro in "Enter the Dragon" and say..."If it comes,I won't even notice.I'll be too busy looking goooooood."Jump back,turkeys!
You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
True story.I'm getting my throat and neck filled in.With what,I haven't decided yet.
Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
Probably not,she's completely unweighed down by the heavy burden of me in her life these days.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Oh gosh,that'd be extreme,wouldn't it? Point me at the nearest traditional Japanese koi/dragon/samurai flash,I'm ready to be pretentious,Mr. DeMille!
How many piercings do you want/have?
I've had my left ear pierced twice with terribly unexciting hoops for as long as I care to remember.Anything more on me would be overkill,though I'm not opposed to dames with an abundance of metal shoved through various body parts,as history will show.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
I've gone years being completely faithful to ex-girlfriends/ex-wives.Note the prefix "ex",and you'll begin to see where that got me.
Day been rough?
By now I eat so-called rough days like so much marinara-dipped fried calamari.
Do you dye your hair?
I don't grow my hair long enough to be dye-worthy.And if I did...I still wouldn't do it.
Do you plan on going to college?
Perhaps to apologize for sleeping drunk so many mornings on the main steps on campus.I spent five years of their time and mine acting out "Animal House",afterall.
When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
Almost never.Unless I say it in accordance with the following topics:
Rob Zombie "Halloween" remakes/sequels,U2 albums released after "Boy","October",or "War","I would prefer you didn't smoke in here.","The tomato you and your drunken buddies were throwing back and forth at each other is now on my wife's shoulder.",and the ever-pesky "We've got a warrant for your arrest..." I really don't care,weenbags!
Do you know anyone who has messed up your life?
I've done a bang up job on my own,but there's never been a shortage of people willing to help.
Can you read other peoples expressions?
If I couldn't by now,what the hell good would I be?
Is something bothering you right now?
A lot of things could potentially be causing me grief,but if they are,you'll never see it on me.I'm armoured to the gills.
Would you go back in time to change something?
I'd go back in time to change EVERYTHING.Except the yellow corduroy "Super Shark" tank top I had when I was six.We'll keep that.
How was last night?
The latest in a long string of uneventful medicated evenings.Something's gotta give.
Would you ever donate blood?
I would donate YOUR blood to the noble cause of my own amusement.And that is much better.
What were you doing last night?
Trying to unfudge my dvd drive and take the daily cult movie bloggers' quiz in the midst of a heavy vicodin haze.Grade:F.
Have you ever taken a bra off with one hand?
I've taken bras off with telekinesis.
What did you wear today?
"Shriek of the Mutilated" t-shirt,army greens,and fourteen eye black steelcapped Doctor Martens.Hella cute,I looked.
...That's it for now.Stay tuned for more hijinks
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